I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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