that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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