Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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