my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
