Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
