Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
