So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
