hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
