I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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