$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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