alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
