We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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