Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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