the day after is always just damage control
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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