just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
