Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
