i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
