A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
