i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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