ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
my being single is dangerous.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
