i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
