they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
