Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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