The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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