She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
