she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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