Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
