lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
