i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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