The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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