If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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