i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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