He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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