why didn't you poke me back
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
