You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
