Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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