I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
