and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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