im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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