I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
