addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
