Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
