Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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