We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
