She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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