Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
