but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
