That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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