You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
