I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
