Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
