dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
