I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
