i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize