Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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