those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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