Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
