Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Bring me that man meat
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
