Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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