Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
